Faced with Fear.......
My dad, like many of us, kept things in his Bible that were timely to him. He had sermon notes on 3x5 cards on forgiveness and a pamphlet simply entitled FEAR by Joe Barnett. (I have kept a different pamphlet entitled YOU ARE SOMEONE SPECIAL, but that is a different discussion.)
Lately, I have thought about how fear has permeated my life unnoticed, unidentified, unnamed and unchecked for so long. I have prayed for God to remove my fears or to make me fearless or courageous. Of course, the part after the "or" is simply an invitation for further testing. But it does give an opportunity for "faith to build muscle".
I am being purposely vague here because I don't want to get into the particulars of what happened. It would take longer to get to the point of what is truly important. And, it wouldn't be prudent.
Sunday night, after dark, I was faced with a situation in the driveway of my dad's old house (where I stay on weekends to attend to family business) that temporarily incapacitated me. It took an hour for me to recover and then I realized that what had made it worse was the fact that all that adrenalin spawned by the terror I experienced had been pumped through my system on an empty stomach. After I did what I could to address the situation, ate, and started packing up the van to come home, the symptoms disappeared.
Now, that I look back on the incident, I can see further opportunities to act, instead of returning to a frozen state of fear. Then it hit me that I have been doing that in other places in my life. I have stuffed a lot of fear deep down inside and have allowed it to keep me from acting because I might make a costly mistake or make someone angry who did not understand my intentions, or expose myself to manipulation, etc.
This week, I have risked becoming a little more transparent in some circumstances and guarded in others - but all with the confidence that whatever could be a mistake is simply practice, is correctable and I don't have to worry about being perfect; I just need to be concerned with being alert, honest, gracious, forgiving and forgiven.
So maybe I passed one of my "quizzes" in FEAR 101. I am sure there will be others. But it feels good to know that God brought about something different in me with this experience.
My dad, like many of us, kept things in his Bible that were timely to him. He had sermon notes on 3x5 cards on forgiveness and a pamphlet simply entitled FEAR by Joe Barnett. (I have kept a different pamphlet entitled YOU ARE SOMEONE SPECIAL, but that is a different discussion.)
Lately, I have thought about how fear has permeated my life unnoticed, unidentified, unnamed and unchecked for so long. I have prayed for God to remove my fears or to make me fearless or courageous. Of course, the part after the "or" is simply an invitation for further testing. But it does give an opportunity for "faith to build muscle".
I am being purposely vague here because I don't want to get into the particulars of what happened. It would take longer to get to the point of what is truly important. And, it wouldn't be prudent.
Sunday night, after dark, I was faced with a situation in the driveway of my dad's old house (where I stay on weekends to attend to family business) that temporarily incapacitated me. It took an hour for me to recover and then I realized that what had made it worse was the fact that all that adrenalin spawned by the terror I experienced had been pumped through my system on an empty stomach. After I did what I could to address the situation, ate, and started packing up the van to come home, the symptoms disappeared.
Now, that I look back on the incident, I can see further opportunities to act, instead of returning to a frozen state of fear. Then it hit me that I have been doing that in other places in my life. I have stuffed a lot of fear deep down inside and have allowed it to keep me from acting because I might make a costly mistake or make someone angry who did not understand my intentions, or expose myself to manipulation, etc.
This week, I have risked becoming a little more transparent in some circumstances and guarded in others - but all with the confidence that whatever could be a mistake is simply practice, is correctable and I don't have to worry about being perfect; I just need to be concerned with being alert, honest, gracious, forgiving and forgiven.
So maybe I passed one of my "quizzes" in FEAR 101. I am sure there will be others. But it feels good to know that God brought about something different in me with this experience.
posted by Serena Voss at 7:24 AM
7 Comments:
It is good to recognize what keeps us from being what we want to be. I think realizing helps us to grow, so sometimes what we attribute to just being older and wiser is just listening to God and learning our lessons.
I like that you said you are a little more transparent is some situations and guarded in others. I will chew on that today.
Serena, thanks for sharing something so personal with us! It was a foot washing!
In Him,
David
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I'm really glad I can't remember all of the panic attacks that I've later felt guilty for because I mistakenly believed that the "perfect love" that "casts out fear" in I John 4:18 was somehow supposed to be my love.
(Gee ... I was ignorant AND arrogant on top of TERRIFIED; imagine that.)
What changed was a moment not quite a year ago that I related in my first blog post.
Don't be afraid of more "quizzes"!
Thanks for all the positive feedback. Keith, I read your post and enjoyed it. Love does not emanate from us, but from God. So the "perfect love that casts out fear" is His gift.
Good for you Serena! I hate having to face my fears, especially around people that are not aware of them (going into hospitals is a BIG one) I've found that they eventuallly get easier to deal with, but I've not gotten completely over anything... even Freddy Kruger.
Mae,
I don't like that Kruger dude, either!
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